Why can’t you ALL just go home?

Oi! Oi, you! Polish geezers and geezettes; bugger off home! And you Lithuanians; you’re not from here, so what are you doing here? Not on holiday, are you? No, well go on then, catch a boat, a plane, a unicycle or whatever, and go back to your own country!

What’s that you say? Your children were born here to an English mother? Who cares! Off with you, and take them with you!

That goes for all the black and asian people as well, regardless of how many generations of your family have lived here, how much you’ve contributed and how much tax you’ve paid.

All the Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese and Korean people too; Britain is full! Get on with you!

Muslims? Well, I think you can see where this is going, can’t you? What do you mean you’re not an extremist? I don’t care mate, you all look and sound the same to me, and better safe than sorry!

But while you guys are off chartering your transport home, do me a favour. Take anyone else you know of that isn’t British with you, drop them off on the way or something. So that’s all of you with roots in southern Ireland; back on the boat.

Now they’re gone, lets keep the ball rolling and evict everyone of French heritage as well, not to mention your Spaniards and Italians, your Belgians, your Dutch and your Norwegians. Better not leave behind any of your Swiss or your Swedish, your Germans or those pesky Greeks, (they’re everywhere, you know).

Got a little bit of Danish in ya? Well I don’t want any of ya in my Britain! I love the bacon, but this island is for “true” Brits only, and that isn’t you. You too, Ghanians and Nigerians, Americans, Canadians and Turks. I’m not racist, but you’re not British, are you?

Get lost all you Finns, Latvians and Austrians. No, I don’t care if your family have been here over a thousand years; if you’re not “properly British” you’re not welcome. Which part of that don’t you understand?

Right, I’ve had enough of this now. Read the title! All of you with foreign blood in you; you ain’t British, so go back to your own country.

Sorted.

But sadly, now there is no-one here, including me. Due to my combination of Cornish, English, Welsh and Scottish blood, there is almost certainly the blood of an invading nation in there somewhere. Maybe it’s Roman, maybe it’s Viking. It doesn’t matter. I have no more claim to being “proper British” than any of the masses I’ve sent packing. But, as I’m the last one here, I guess I’ll turn the lights off on the way out.